DATING & RELATIONSHIPS
Girl about Town: Dealing with the FB Relationship Status Notice Alert
So ladies, has a man ever asked you if you are available or have you asked a man whether he is available? You may not need to respond as there is a little button that can do it for you. I have not always been for certain online social networks, but I must say I tried Hi5 but it didn’t quite catch onto me as Facebook has. Let’s just say I have friends from the woodwork who I look up and look me up, it’s certainly updated my phone and address book from back in the day when an address book was actually a little booklet you treasured with all of one’s contacts. Ex’s have also become part of the friend circles and sometimes it’s a good thing but other times for some people it may not be – but this is another topic for another day.
Now there is a fascinating feature called the relationship notifier on FB that has people’s heads spinning out of control while others are on the lookout for the next potential mate, others are just looking to share and cultivate friendships new and old. Although most African people will shy away from online dating, let’s face it, adding friends some who you meet through other acquaintances and those that come through on their free will, no matter how you look at it, you are getting to know a person and you both share certain information bottom line –Online Dating, it’s a moving train with very few stop overs you either hang on for the ride or jump off and this fascination is fast growing in our society today. Whether or not you do take the next step is up to the individuals involved, and I am certainly in no way knocking down spots to meet and interact with people at all. I know a friend who went on 50 online dates and actually found her soul mate and they wed, so don’t knock anything down till you’ve tried it.
Back to the notifier: Now a lot of options appear on this Relationship Notifier, Single, In a Relationship, It’s Complicated, Heart Broken you name it. Invasion of privacy, hmmm, some people may see it that way, but others might not, and as an owner of a profile, I guess it’s up to you to let the world know or not where you stand in your private life, hence why I wonder why people complain when they get comments on the sudden relationship status change. I can’t say I haven’t congratulated people who have had positive changes in their relationships, I certainly have; But when all hell breaks loose I for one like to keep it intimate and usually stay clear and wait for the person dealing with the change to approach me if we are not very close, and with those I am close with, we share as always on our Saturday monthly get together or privately telephonically, via email or unless it’s an emergency then my couch is always open. I don’t see the relevance in sending certain messages publicly unless both parties are ok with it, as I can just imagine when you are put on the spotlight and it’s not for good reasons, it certainly doesn’t put a smile on anyone’s face.
Reality Check: If you openly share the life you have with your man in images and post them all over the place, let people comment on the images, what’s to stop people from asking what’s happening when your status changes or those images are torn down? Now before y’all start greasing your knuckles with some Vaseline and change into your running shoes for a full on attack, I’m just saying – y’all are not protecting your investments, like in anything there is risk, however I do of course understand that when you joined this network, you certainly never in your wildest dreams thought that no one other than your BFF or Wingman would have anything to say and that is usually in confidence – now the whole world of acquaintances from back in the day are butting into your private love life just with one click of a button. And it always seems as though everyone is lying in wait for you to click that button to change your status and with a sudden thud all pounce on you with questions as if they even knew what exactly was happening from the get go.
Side Track: So it was only until last year when a male friend who was visiting from the States asked me about my relationship status and that he wanted to know more about where I stand that I actually realised how the FB Relationship Notifier affects your market as a person on availability etc. I mean really it never crossed my mind that a male friend I had known a while with a failed marriage would actually be asking me if I was available firstly, and secondly that he actually would take the time to look up my relationship status on FB. That’s when it occurred to me that some men are on the prowl using FB as a networking pool for their relationships and vice versa. He actually was adamant about why my status was listed as “In a Relationship” and why I was not forth coming with my life changes, and my answer to him of course was, “did you think I would wait for you forever???” Let’s just say the distance and getting to know one another at such great lengths was not my plan of a relationship when we met through mutual friends a few years prior, as I was moving countries for God’s sake. I say there is a time in life for different relationships, and long distance at the time was not on my radar. I don’t feel the need to change my relationship status unless I am absolutely sure of where I stand in that relationship and if I have consciously decided on whether to make my relationship public or not with a little room for taking mental notes to self on how I will deal with the people within my network should things change. And I always say those that need to know my life’s private stories will know and won’t have to consult face-book on my behalf, and if the rest of you didn’t hear it from me, then it’s on a need to know basis and you don’t need to know as harsh as that may sound.
Getting back on track, this relationship notifier is a trip – an absolute roller coaster ride. It’s definitely some form of airing your life’s tales and I can’t say don’t do it; it works in different ways for all of us. We all love to express love and so if you see it as an infringement on your privacy then stay clear and only share what you feel is worth sharing – FB is public and it has privacy settings so use them unless you want to send out a press release of what is happening in your life then by all means make the necessary changes and alert us all; be it that you want fly your taken flag up high to make others back off or just share your love with us all. But always remember to consider what happens in these social networks before you unleash what you may think as being private in a relationship – ask yourself are you willing to deal with the onslaught of your wall, inbox, email, phone when you are up in splitsville? If not, then use the KISS rule (Keep it simple stupid)… It works for writers why not apply it to reality….
Roses’ D
So ladies, has a man ever asked you if you are available or have you asked a man whether he is available? You may not need to respond as there is a little button that can do it for you. I have not always been for certain online social networks, but I must say I tried Hi5 but it didn’t quite catch onto me as Facebook has. Let’s just say I have friends from the woodwork who I look up and look me up, it’s certainly updated my phone and address book from back in the day when an address book was actually a little booklet you treasured with all of one’s contacts. Ex’s have also become part of the friend circles and sometimes it’s a good thing but other times for some people it may not be – but this is another topic for another day.
Now there is a fascinating feature called the relationship notifier on FB that has people’s heads spinning out of control while others are on the lookout for the next potential mate, others are just looking to share and cultivate friendships new and old. Although most African people will shy away from online dating, let’s face it, adding friends some who you meet through other acquaintances and those that come through on their free will, no matter how you look at it, you are getting to know a person and you both share certain information bottom line –Online Dating, it’s a moving train with very few stop overs you either hang on for the ride or jump off and this fascination is fast growing in our society today. Whether or not you do take the next step is up to the individuals involved, and I am certainly in no way knocking down spots to meet and interact with people at all. I know a friend who went on 50 online dates and actually found her soul mate and they wed, so don’t knock anything down till you’ve tried it.
Back to the notifier: Now a lot of options appear on this Relationship Notifier, Single, In a Relationship, It’s Complicated, Heart Broken you name it. Invasion of privacy, hmmm, some people may see it that way, but others might not, and as an owner of a profile, I guess it’s up to you to let the world know or not where you stand in your private life, hence why I wonder why people complain when they get comments on the sudden relationship status change. I can’t say I haven’t congratulated people who have had positive changes in their relationships, I certainly have; But when all hell breaks loose I for one like to keep it intimate and usually stay clear and wait for the person dealing with the change to approach me if we are not very close, and with those I am close with, we share as always on our Saturday monthly get together or privately telephonically, via email or unless it’s an emergency then my couch is always open. I don’t see the relevance in sending certain messages publicly unless both parties are ok with it, as I can just imagine when you are put on the spotlight and it’s not for good reasons, it certainly doesn’t put a smile on anyone’s face.
Reality Check: If you openly share the life you have with your man in images and post them all over the place, let people comment on the images, what’s to stop people from asking what’s happening when your status changes or those images are torn down? Now before y’all start greasing your knuckles with some Vaseline and change into your running shoes for a full on attack, I’m just saying – y’all are not protecting your investments, like in anything there is risk, however I do of course understand that when you joined this network, you certainly never in your wildest dreams thought that no one other than your BFF or Wingman would have anything to say and that is usually in confidence – now the whole world of acquaintances from back in the day are butting into your private love life just with one click of a button. And it always seems as though everyone is lying in wait for you to click that button to change your status and with a sudden thud all pounce on you with questions as if they even knew what exactly was happening from the get go.
Side Track: So it was only until last year when a male friend who was visiting from the States asked me about my relationship status and that he wanted to know more about where I stand that I actually realised how the FB Relationship Notifier affects your market as a person on availability etc. I mean really it never crossed my mind that a male friend I had known a while with a failed marriage would actually be asking me if I was available firstly, and secondly that he actually would take the time to look up my relationship status on FB. That’s when it occurred to me that some men are on the prowl using FB as a networking pool for their relationships and vice versa. He actually was adamant about why my status was listed as “In a Relationship” and why I was not forth coming with my life changes, and my answer to him of course was, “did you think I would wait for you forever???” Let’s just say the distance and getting to know one another at such great lengths was not my plan of a relationship when we met through mutual friends a few years prior, as I was moving countries for God’s sake. I say there is a time in life for different relationships, and long distance at the time was not on my radar. I don’t feel the need to change my relationship status unless I am absolutely sure of where I stand in that relationship and if I have consciously decided on whether to make my relationship public or not with a little room for taking mental notes to self on how I will deal with the people within my network should things change. And I always say those that need to know my life’s private stories will know and won’t have to consult face-book on my behalf, and if the rest of you didn’t hear it from me, then it’s on a need to know basis and you don’t need to know as harsh as that may sound.
Getting back on track, this relationship notifier is a trip – an absolute roller coaster ride. It’s definitely some form of airing your life’s tales and I can’t say don’t do it; it works in different ways for all of us. We all love to express love and so if you see it as an infringement on your privacy then stay clear and only share what you feel is worth sharing – FB is public and it has privacy settings so use them unless you want to send out a press release of what is happening in your life then by all means make the necessary changes and alert us all; be it that you want fly your taken flag up high to make others back off or just share your love with us all. But always remember to consider what happens in these social networks before you unleash what you may think as being private in a relationship – ask yourself are you willing to deal with the onslaught of your wall, inbox, email, phone when you are up in splitsville? If not, then use the KISS rule (Keep it simple stupid)… It works for writers why not apply it to reality….
Roses’ D
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